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I live in the Florida Keys. I've been in the military and worked inside the Beltway. I've had 22 technical books and two novels published. I fly, boat, dive, shoot, and swim pretty damn well.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Call from the Nice Man at Government Healthcare

Wonder about the spin-off impact of government funded and controlled health care? It's pretty clear. Just like the power to tax, the power to control medical services must inevitably lead to control of other items on the agenda.

Here is the phone call I expect to receive from a Faceless Bureaucrat (FB in the dialogue below) quite soon.
FB: Hello, Mr. Deffler?
ME: It's Derfler
FB: Mr. Doorfler, my name is Mr. Putz and I'm from the Department of National Healthcare. I would like to ask you a few questions.
ME: Okaaay.. I guess
FB: We have all of your personal information, but I need to check on a few items for our files that popped up on a routine review.
ME: Hmmmmm
FB: You have listed a daughter, age 12, as a dependant for healthcare purposes?
ME: Okay....
FB: We do not have a record of her vaccinations from your local school district.
ME: She doesn't go to public school.
FB: Oh.. well, if you will give me the name of her private school, we can check those records.
ME: She is home schooled. We feel that at this time she is learning more in home schooling than she would in the public schools and we can't really afford private school.
FB: Ah... well... you see, Sir, if she is not attending a school, then we can not be sure that she is receiving appropriate healthcare, can we? You can teach her at home, but we can't provide health care. I'll pass that to the review committee to deal with.
ME: You do that..
FB: There were just one or two more things. I see that you have a concealed weapons permit. Does that mean you own guns?
ME: It might.
FB: Well, you see, the right to own guns is, more or less I guess, mentioned in the Constitution, but the policy now is that you are not eligible to government healtcare if you decide to own guns. After all, guns injure people and that would raise the cost of healthcare to all tax payers wouldn't it? I'll show you as owning guns and I'm afraid that healthcare coverage will immediately cease for everyone in your household. If you would like to change your status, you can download a form from our Website, certify that you are gun-free, and your healthcare coverage will resume within a couple of weeks.
ME: But, but, that's unconstitutional. The second Amendment....
FB: Oh, Sir, you can have your guns. Certainly, you can have guns, but no healthcare. There is, after all, no constitutional right to healthcare, is there?
FB: Let's see... there was one more item... according to your tax return, your occupation is online journalist. Is that like a ... what are they called? Blogger?
ME: Yes, in fact, it is like that.
FB: Ah, that is considered a high risk occupation. I'm afraid that Government Healthcare doesn't cover people in high risk occupations.
ME: What do you mean, high risk? It's just words...
FB: Ah yes, Sir, but words have meaning. Someone could take offence and harm you. That would raise the cost of healthcare to everyone. That would be unfair.
ME: But the First Amendment... freedom of speech.
FB: Oh, Sir, again you do not understand. You may say anything you like. That is your right. But, the government doesn't have to cover your healthcare if you choose to say controversial things. It would not be fair? Would it?
FB: Well, Sir, that about covers it. As I said, if you want to change your status, then simply download an affidavit, swear to change your ways, and we will reconsider your status. You have a nice day.


Eric said...

An even scarier and more imminent call from the pimps in government:

ME: Wait! You can't refuse us health coverage now. My wife's pregnant!
FB: Hmm... Let me look into that, Mr. Dofor...
FB: ...It looks like your wife's pregnancy will be covered after all...
ME: Thank God!
FB: ...Abortions are covered in all circumstances.
ME: What the hell? Are you saying that if we want to keep our child, I have to surrender my first and second amendment rights?
FB: I'm afraid your rights are irrelevant in this matter, Mr. Duffer. You have already met your health coverage's quota of children.
ME: You murdering #@%!...
FB: Mr. Differ, Mr. Differ, I don't see what you're so angry about. You might as well enjoy the guns, the blogs, and the family you've got, because it looks like your Lastday is coming up shortly anyway.
ME: What do you mean my "Lastday"?
FB: Didn't you know? Your coverage had you scheduled to be euthanized next year.
ME: Fine. Whatever. Since you've taken my health benefits and livelihood, I'm now worth more dead than alive. At least my family can live off our savings and life insurance.
FB: Savings? Life insurance?
ME: What now?!
FB: Well, Mr. Daffer, how else would you expect us to cover every citizen and undocumented immigrant from cradle to grave?
ME: How do you expect my wife and daughter to make a living without the securities we've been investing for our entire lives?
FB: I wouldn't worry about that, Mr. Deefer. Unemployment should be completely eliminated since prostitution was legalized. They've even lowered the age of consent to 12.
ME: ... It's Derfler.

On the Future of Employment (with "health" "benefits"):

Anonymous said...

This is how your human rights will be taken away from them.

The government will buy them.